The Welcoming Committee

Since my arrival in Melbourne, the welcoming committee has taken immediate and consistent action in providing me with the most authentic Aussie experience in the shortest amount of time possible.

To officially mark the beginning of your stay in Australia, you will be provided accommodation which will be strategically located miles and miles away from the city and any convenient mode of transport. Subsequently, you are likely to be stalked by a middle-aged man afflicted with insanity. Large, hostile Australian teenagers may also wave and stare at you from their cars as you walk down the street! And, as an added bonus, you will be overcharged for food, beverage and transport, then have your phone stolen in a shopping mall. You should also look forward to being startled by a woodland creature native to Australia while sitting alone in your room. Be sure to keep your eyes open for drunkards! You will find plenty on the train stations after 9 o'clock at night, and if you're lucky, you may get to see dead and decomposing dogs while walking along the road after dark.

Enjoy your stay and once again, welcome to Melbourne!

-gretl